Ms. Stokwisz: A teacher who possesses a classroom possessed. It has the ability to be either hotter than an Easybake oven inside another, larger, Easybake oven situated in the midst of hell, or colder than a dead penguins flipper in the middle of a particularly cold Antarctic winter. Despite the obvious inconveniences of teaching in such a room, Ms. Stokwisz copes fine because she doesn’t seem to notice the temperature change at all. Ms. Stokwisz lives in a perpetual fear that her students will find Plato a less interesting individual than Descartes, an absurd phobia considering that the Republic mentions sex and Descartes’ Meditations don’t.

Mr. Lowe: Mr. Lowe has been known to gesticulate wildly on occasion because the ideas that he is trying to convey are too complex for mere words. He is also an expert at destroying an argument no matter how carefully constructed, so that you don’t realise that you’ve just metaphorically walked into a Mexican stand-off with an empty six-shooter. Be warned though that there is a tendency to go into one of Mr. Lowe’s lessons and then later wish that you’d skived and never had your basic beliefs about the universe mercilessly crushed underfoot. I’d write more but being a solipsist there’s no point.

Mr. Hall: Mostly harmless.